The shipwrecked mariner had spent several years on a deserted island.
Then one morning he was thrilled to see a ship offshore and a smaller vessel pulling out toward him.
When the boat grounded on the beach, the officer in charge handed the marooned sailor a bundle of newspapers and told him,
“The captain said to read through these and let us know if you still want to be rescued.”
Wife wanted newspaper
Wife asks her husband to pass her a newspaper.
He replies, “Newspaper? Are you really that behind reality? Technology has developed so much and you are still asking for the newspaper? Here, take my iPad instead.”
The wife takes the iPad and uses it to hit a cockroach.
Her husband faints.
Two men were hotly discussing the merits of a book.
Finally, one of them – himself an author – said to the other, “You can’t appreciate it because you never wrote a book yourself.”
“No,” the other man retorted, “and I never laid an egg, but I’m still a better judge of an omelet than any hen.”
A convict managed to escape from the prison and his escape was the lead news on the six o’clock news.
So, not to be captured, he ran through fields and traveled through back roads until he reached his house.
When he reached there, he rang the bell, his wife opened the door and yelled,
“You lousy bum! Where have you been? You escaped more than six hours ago!”
A man walks into a lawyer’s office and asks,
“How much do you charge?”
The lawyer says, “$5,000 for three questions.”
“Wow, that’s pretty expensive, isn’t it?” the man asks.
“Yes,” says the lawyer. “Now, what’s your third question?”
A woman and her husband interrupted their vacation to go to the dentist.
‘I want a tooth pulled, and I don’t want any vaccine because I’m in a big hurry,’ the woman said. ‘Just extract the tooth as quickly as possible, and we’ll be on our way.’
The dentist was quite impressed. ‘You’re certainly a courageous woman,’ he said. ‘Which tooth is it?’
The woman turned to her husband and said, ‘Show him your tooth, dear!’
