Two men were talking about their wives.
The first man says, “My wife is an angel.”
The second man says,
“You’re lucky! Mine’s still alive.”
A husband and wife are sitting on the couch watching TV.
The wife looks at the husband and he is staring at the ceiling above her head, she looks up and asks, “What are you staring at?”
“A spider,” he replies.
“I don’t see anything,” she says.
“Oh, it must have fallen on your head,” he said calmly.
The wife jumps up screaming…
The man says, “While you’re up, can you get me another drink?”
A door to door salesman knocked on a door and a woman answered.
Salesman: Hello, would you like to buy a book titled 500 excuses to give your wife for staying out late?
Woman : Why on earth would I buy a book like that?
Salesman: Because, I sold a copy to your husband this morning.
Machine and Bottle.
After the birth of their first child Tom and Sarah decided it was time to write a will and get their affairs in order.
They went to a lawyer and outlined for him their ideas about how their estate should be handled.
The lawyer then asked them questions about what medical means should be employed should they become severely injured.
Tom spoke up, “I don’t want my life regulated by some machine. I just can’t stand the idea of receiving my nourishment from a bottle.”
Sarah took Tom’s words to heart. When they got home, she cut the TV cord and dumped out all of Tom’s beer.
