A blonde enters a restaurant and goes straight to the bulletin board in the back.
On the board, she sees a piece of paper that reads “Ocean Cruise – Only $10”.
She pulls the piece of paper from the board and goes to the address listed on the back of it. She enters the building and hands the paper to the secretary who nods and asks the blonde if she has ten dollars. The blonde takes five dollars from her purse and gives it to the secretary.
The secretary then looks over to a burly guy reading a newspaper and nods to him. He stands up, walks over to the blonde and knocks her unconscious.
When she wakes up, she finds that she’s tied to a log and is floating down the river. She starts to think that maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. All of a sudden, she sees one of her blonde friends tied to a log floating right next to her.
“So, do you think they’re going to serve us some food on this trip?” the blonde asks her friend.
“They didn’t serve any last year!” her blonde friend replies.
A magician had landed a comfortable job on a cruise ship.
His act was rendered hilarious by his parrot who would ridicule the magician after every trick, saying “Big deal, the cards up his sleeve.” or “He put the ball in a hidden floor, the big faker!”
One night the ship began to sink and while confusion reigned, the magician was just barely able to get to a tiny life boat with his beloved parrot. For two days the magician and parrot floated on the rough seas. Strangely, the parrot sat on the opposite end of the craft just staring at the magician.
Finally, on the fourth day, the parrot screamed “Okay, I give up… where the hell did you put the god damned boat!”
A young woman brings home her fiancé to meet her parents.
After dinner, her mother tells her father to find out about the young man. The father invites the fiancé to his study for a drink.
“So what are your plans?” the father asks the young man.
“I am a Torah scholar.” He replies.
“A Torah scholar. Hmmm,” the father says. “Admirable, but what will you do to provide a nice house for my daughter to live in, as she s accustomed to?”
“I will study,” the young man replies, “and God will provide for us.”
“And how will you buy her a beautiful engagement ring, such as she deserves?”
“I will concentrate on my studies,” the young man replies, “God will provide for us.”
“And children?” asks the father. “How will you support children?”
“Don`t worry, sir, God will provide.”
Like this, and each time the father questions, the young idealist insists that God will provide.
Later, the mother asks, “How did it go, Honey?”
The father answer, “He has no job and no plans, but the good news is he thinks I`m God.”
