A blonde keeps having the same weird dream, so she goes to her doctor.
Doctor, “What is your dream about?”
Blonde, “I am being chased by a vampire…”
Doctor, “So, where are you in this dream?”
Blonde, “I am running in a hallway.”
Doctor, “Then what happens?”
Blonde, “Well, that’s the weird thing. In every single dream, the same thing happens. I always come to a door, but I can’t open it. I keep pushing the door and pushing the door, but it won’t budge!”
Doctor, “Does the door have any letters on it?”
Blonde, “Yes.”
Doctor, “And what do these letter spell?”
Blonde, “P.. U… L… L…”
Ralph came home drunk one night,
slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber…
He awoke before the Pearly Gates where saint Peter said, “You died in your sleep Ralph.”
Ralph was stunned. “I’m dead? No I can’t be! I’ve got too much to live for. Send me back!”
St Peter said, “I’m sorry, but there’s only one way you can go back, and that is as a lesser being. An animal.”
Ralph was devastated, but begs St Peter to send him to a farm near his home. The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking, and pecking the ground.
A rooster strolled past. “So you’re the new hen, huh? How’s your first day here?”
“Not bad,” replied Ralph the Hen, “but I have this strange feeling inside, like I’m going to explode.”
“You’re ovulating,” explained the rooster. “Don’t tell me you’ve never laid an egg before!”
“Never.” said Ralph.
“Well just relax and let it happen,” says the rooster, “It’s no big deal.”
Ralph did, and a few uncomfortable seconds later, out popped an egg! Ralph was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood. He soon laid another egg – his joy was overwhelming.
As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the back of his head, and heard his wife yell…
“RALPH wake up! You cr*pped the bed!”
