There once was a man who owned a sausage factory, and he was showing his arrogant preppy son around his factory.
Try as he might to impress his snobbish son, his son would just sneer.
They approached the heart of the factory, a huge hall with gleaming machines sharp as razors. The father thought, “this should impress him!”
He showed his son a machine and said: “Son, this is the heart of the factory. With this machine here we can put in a pig, and out come sausages.”
The son, openly sneering, said: “Yea yea, that’s nice, but do you have a machine where you can put in a sausage and out comes a pig?”
The furious father thought and said: “Yes son, we call it your mother.”
A sale representative stops at a small manufacturing plant.
He presents a box of cigars to the manager as a gift.
“No, thanks,” says the plant manager. “I tried smoking a cigar once, but I didn’t like it.”
The sales rep shows his display case and then, hoping to clinch a sale, offers to take the manager out for a round of drinks.
“No, thanks,” the plant manager replies. “You know, I tried alcohol once, but didn’t like it.
Then the salesman glances out the office window and sees a golf course.
“I suppose you play golf,” says the salesman. “I’d like to invite you to be a guest at my club.”
“That’s kind of you, but no, thanks,” the manager says. “I played golf once, but I didn’t like it.”
Just then a young man enters the office.
“Let me introduce my son, Mike,” says the plant manager.
“Let me guess,” the salesman replies. “An only child?”
An old mountaineer and his young ex-wife were fighting over custody of their children.
The mother protested that since she brought her kids into this world, she should retain custody of them.
The judge asked the old mountaineer for his side of the story.
After a long moment of silence, the mountaineer rose from his chair and asked, “Judge, when I put a quarter in a candy machine and a candy bar comes out, does it belong to me or the machine?”
