A couple is asleep when their doorbell rings at 3 am.
The wife shakes the husband and says “Honey, there’s someone at the door.”
The husband, irritated gets up and opens the door to an obviously drunk man.
“Can I help you?”
“Could you give me a push?” asks the drunk man.
“Hell no, and besides you are drunk” and slams the door shut.
As he gets back into bed, his wife begins to lecture him.”Don’t you remember when we were stranded on the side of the road and people stopped to help us? You should go outside and help the poor man.”
Realizing this, the husband gets dressed and heads to the door. Opening it, he realizes the man has left and yells out, “Do you still need a push?”
In the distance he hears a reply, “Yes Please.”
“Where are you?” to which he hears,
…
..
.
“Over here on the swing set.”
A senior citizen drove his brand-new Mercedes to 100 mph.
A senior citizen drove his brand new Mercedes to 100 mph, looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a police car behind him
He floored it to 140, then 150, … then 170, …
Suddenly he thought, “I’m too old for this nonsense !”
So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the police car to catch up with him .
The officer walked up to him, looked at his watch and said,
“Sir, my shift ends in ten minutes.
Today is Friday and I’m taking off for the weekend.
If you can give me a good reason that I’ve never heard before for why you were speeding.
I’ll let you go.”
The Man looked very seriously at the police man, and replied :-
“Years ago, my wife ran off with a policeman, I thought you were bringing her back.” !!!
The Cop left saying,
…
..
.
” Have a good day, Sir”
