A Department of Water Resources representative stops at a Texas ranch and talks with an old rancher.
He tells the rancher, I need to inspect your ranch for your water allocation.
The old rancher says, “Okay, but don’t go in that field over there.”
The Water representative says, “Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me. See this card? This card means I am allowed to go WHEREVER I WISH on any agricultural land. No questions asked or answered. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?
The old rancher nods politely and goes about his chores.
Later, the old rancher hears loud screams and spies the Water Rep running for his life and close behind is the rancher’s bull. The bull is gaining with every step. The Rep is clearly terrified.
So the old rancher immediately throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs….“Your card! Show him Your card!”
A cowboy rides his horse into a small town.
His throat is parched, so he ties his horse to a pole next to a bar and goes in for a drink. He comes out a few minutes later, and someone already stole his horse.
The people of the town are looking to see his reaction, they aren’t even discreet about it. He looks around at everyone and says loud and clear: “I will walk back into the bar to get myself another drink, and if I don’t see my horse right in front of the bar, I will have to do what I did in Texas a year ago after someone stole my horse. And trust me, I didn’t like what I had to do in Texas a year ago.”
After his confident speech, the man walked back into the bar. The townsfolk looked at each other in fear and got the horse back.
The cowboy finished his second drink and walked out of the bar, saddled the horse, but just before he left the bartender walked up to him and asked. “Hey, cowboy, we know that we got you your horse back, but do you mind telling us what you had to do a year ago in Texas?”
The cowboy looked at him with an iron gaze and responded: “I had to walk home.”
Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said,
“Where did you get such a great bike?”
The second engineer replied,
“Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took *ff all her clothes and said, “Take what you want.”
The first engineer nodded approvingly and said,
“Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn’t have fit you anyway.”
