A married couple was driving from Key West to Boston.
They stopped for a rest after traveling for nearly twenty-four hours because they were too exhausted to go on.
They made a stop at a pleasant hotel, checked into a room, and only intended to stay there for four hours before continuing on their journey.
Four hours later, when they checked out, the desk clerk gave them a $350 bill.
The man erupts, demanding to know why the fee is so excessive.
It’s a nice hotel, he tells the clerk, but the rooms are not worth $350.
The man demands to speak with the manager after the clerk informs him that $350 is the standard rate.
The manager shows up, pays attention to what the man has to say, and then informs him that the husband and wife are welcome to use the hotel’s enormous conference center and Olympic-sized pool.
“But we didn’t use them.” the man complains. “Well, they are here, and you could have.” explains the manager.
He goes on to explain they could have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous.
“The best entertainers from New York, Hollywood, and Las Vegas perform here.” the manager says.
“But we didn’t go to any of those shows.” complains the man again.
“Well, we have them, and you could have.” the manager replies.
No matter what facility the manager mentions, the man replies, “But we didn’t use it!”
The manager is unmoved, and eventually, the man gives up and agrees to pay.
He writes a check and gives it to the manager.
The manager is surprised when he looks at the check.
“But sir,” he says, “this check is only made out for $100.”
“That’s right,” says the man. “I charged you $250 for sleeping with my wife.”
“But I didn’t!” exclaims the manager.
“Well,” the man replies, “she was here, and you could have.”
Jim and Linda, a married couple in their late 50s
Jim and Linda, a married couple in their late 50s, had been together for over 30 years.
One day, they decided to attend a community event where a tech company was demonstrating their latest invention: a lie detector robot that slaps you if you lie.
The host was showing it off on stage.
Host: “Ask it any question. If you lie, it’ll give you a little tap.”
Jim nudged Linda. “This might be good for the house. Imagine settling arguments without yelling—just one robotic slap to truth.”
Linda raised an eyebrow. “Great idea. Why don’t you try it first?”
They signed up for a demo. The robot was placed on a table. The audience gathered.
Host: “Alright, Jim. Let’s start with an easy question. What did you do yesterday after work?”
Jim cleared his throat. “I went to the office… stayed late… worked on reports…”
SLAP.
The crowd gasped. Jim rubbed his cheek. “Okay, okay. I went to the bar with Mike.”
Linda glared. “You said you quit drinking.”
Jim straightened up. “I only had one beer.”
SLAP.
“Fine! It was five beers and a plate of wings, happy now?”
Linda crossed her arms. “Let’s test it on me.”
Host: “Sure! Linda, what do you think of Jim’s cooking?”
Linda smiled sweetly. “Oh, I love it. Especially his grilled fish.”
SLAP.
“Okay, the fish is dry. Like eating a sandal. But I love him for trying.”
The audience roared with laughter. The host continued.
Host: “Jim, your turn again. Ever lie to Linda about money?”
Jim hesitated. “Never.”
SLAP.
He winced. “Okay, I may have told her the TV was on sale.”
SLAP.
“Alright, alright! I told her it was a gift from work. It wasn’t. I just wanted surround sound for the game.”
Linda smirked. “I knew work wasn’t giving out 75-inch TVs.”
Now it was Linda’s turn again.
Host: “Linda, have you ever pretended to be asleep to avoid… romantic time?”
Linda laughed awkwardly. “No, never.”
SLAP.
She sighed. “Okay, yes. But just once!”
SLAP.
“Fine! Twice a week during football season.”
Jim threw his arms up. “That explains so much!”
At the end of the demo, the host smiled. “So—would you like to take one home?”
Jim and Linda looked at each other. Then at the robot. Then back at each other.
Jim said, “You know what? We’ve survived 30 years without a lie detector. If we brought that thing home, it’d file for divorce.”
Linda nodded. “We don’t need a robot to slap us. We’ve got each other for that.”
And they walked off hand in hand—bickering lovingly about who lied more.
