A businessman tells his friend that his company is looking for a new accountant.
His friend asks, “Didn’t your company hire a new accountant a few weeks ago?”
The businessman replies, “That’s the accountant we’re looking for.”
An old accountant is on his deathbed.
Summoning his last bit of strength, he lifts his head and whispers: “Is my beloved wife Sarah here with me?”
And Sarah says, “Yes, I am here.”
He then says: “Are my children — my wonderful children — are they here with me?”
And they reply, “Yes father, we are here with you to see you breathe your last.”
And he says: “Are my brothers and sisters here with me as well?”
And they too tell him that they are here.
So the old man lays back quietly, closes his eyes, and says,
“So if everybody is here… why is the light on in the kitchen?!?”
Rita is complaining to her friends about her husband’s extreme dedication to his new job.
You see, Rita’s husband has been jobless for quite a while.
She tells her friends, “I appreciate the fact that at last he’s found a new job, but I don’t like him taking his work home and finishing it in our bedroom.”
“Why, what’s his new job?”
“He’s an embalmer.”
A man is bragging about his new hearing aid.
“It’s the best I’ve ever had,” he says. “It cost $3,000.”
His friend asks, “What kind is it?”
He says, “Half past four!”
