Once upon a time there was a snake named Nate who lived in the woods.
There was a road which wound through the woods. Nate liked to lie because it caught the sun and warmed his bones.
Very near this road in these woods there was a tree — special tree. It was special because on the side of the tree there was a lever — and if the lever were pushed, then the world would end.
One day Granny was driving through the woods in her jalopy.
Granny was a tendered-hearted soul who would never hurt a fly. As usual, Nate was lying on the road, sunning himself. As Granny came along, she didn’t see Nate at first.
Then, when she did see him, it was almost too late. She swerved to to avoid hitting him.
When she swerved, she lost control of her jalopy and she crashed into a tree — the special tree with the lever … and the lever got pushed … and the world ended.
Moral to the story: Better Nate than lever.
There were two snakes talking.
The 1st one said:
“Sidney, are we the type of snakes who wrap ourselves around our prey and squeeze and crush until they’re dead? Or are we the type of snake who ambush our prey and bite them and they are poisioned?”
Then the second Snake says “Why do you ask?”
The 1st one replies: “I just bit my lip!”
There was a hysterical call at the fire department, and it went like this:
“Help me, please help me! There is a cat meowing and yowling with frequency and urgency. It is going to hurt me. Can you please help me and send the fire squad right away?”
“Take it easy! Cats don’t hurt us. Just relax and wait until it leaves.”
“You don’t understand it is going to bite me; it is going to be fatal!”
“Cats aren’t like snakes or spiders that are poisonous. By the way, who is calling?”
“I’m Josephine’s parrot, you idiot! Help me please, help!”
Two women realize that their apartment is on fire and go out onto the balcony.
“Help, help!” yells one of the women.
“Help us, help us!” yells the other.
“Maybe it would help if we yell together,” said the first.
“Good idea,” said the other.
“TOGETHER, TOGETHER!”
