A wife decides to surprise her husband, Dave, by taking him to a s.t.r.ip club for his birthday.
As they approach the entrance, the doorman greets them with a friendly, “Hey, Dave! How’s it going?”
Dave’s wife raises an eyebrow and asks, “Have you been here before?”
“Oh no,” Dave quickly replies. “He’s on my bowling team.”
Once inside, they take a seat, and a waitress walks over with a Budweiser in hand. “Here’s your usual, Dave,” she says with a smile.
Now even more suspicious, his wife demands, “How does she know what you drink?”
“She’s in the Ladies’ Bowling League, honey. We share lanes sometimes,” Dave explains.
Just then, a s.t.r.ipper struts up to their table, wraps her arms around Dave, and purrs, “Hey, Davey! Ready for your usual table dance, big boy?”
That’s the last straw. His wife grabs her purse and storms out of the club.
Dave rushes after her and sees her getting into a cab. He jumps in beside her before she can slam the door.
Desperately, he tries to explain that the s.t.r.ipper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife isn’t buying it. She lets loose, shouting and calling him every name she can think of.
The cab driver glances over his shoulder and says, “Damn, Dave, you really picked the wrong night to bring the wife.”
A woman went with her husband to his doctor’s appointment.
A woman went with her husband to his doctor’s appointment.
After the checkup, the doctor asked to speak with her privately.
He said, “Your husband is suffering from a serious illness, compounded by extreme stress. If you don’t follow these instructions, he’s unlikely to survive.”
The wife listened intently as the doctor continued:
“Each morning, prepare him a healthy breakfast and help him start the day in a good mood. For lunch, make sure he eats a nutritious meal, and for dinner, cook something extra special.
Avoid giving him any chores—he’ll likely be exhausted from work. Don’t bring up your problems, as it will only add to his stress. And lastly, make sure to fulfill his every s.3.x.ual d.e.sir3 several times a week.”
The doctor concluded, “If you do all this consistently for 10 months to a year, I’m confident he’ll recover fully.”
On the drive home, the husband asked his wife, “What did the doctor say?”
Without hesitation, she replied, “You’re going to d.ie.”
