An elderly couple, Bert and Edna, are sitting on the porch swing one quiet Sunday evening.
They’ve been married for 55 years. The sun is setting, the birds are chirping, and they’re both sipping lukewarm tea, watching squirrels fight over a Cheeto in the yard.
Out of the blue, Edna sighs and says, “Bert, let’s talk about our bucket lists.”
Bert raises an eyebrow. “Bucket lists? Edna, I’m 87. My list is down to ‘wake up tomorrow and remember where I put my pants.’”
Edna chuckles. “No, I’m serious. Before we go, we should each do something we’ve always wanted to do but never had the chance.”
Bert thinks for a moment. “Alright, fine. I’ve always wanted to go skydiving.”
Edna’s eyes widen. “Skydiving?! Bert, the last time you bent down to tie your shoe, you passed out for three minutes.”
Bert shrugs. “Well, if I die mid-air, just let me land in the neighbor’s garden. I’ve always wanted to haunt him.”
They laugh, and Edna nods. “Okay, okay. You go skydiving. I’ll do mine too.”
Bert squints. “And what’s yours?”
Edna suddenly gets this mischievous sparkle in her eye — the same one she had back in 1965 when she “accidentally” dropped Bert’s bowling trophy out the car window during an argument.
“I’ve always wanted to confess something to you, Bert.”
Bert gulps. “Confess what?”
Edna leans closer and whispers, “You know how your favorite recliner always mysteriously leaned to the left for 20 years?”
Bert nods. “Yeah, blamed the dog. Poor thing limped for weeks.”
Edna smiles. “Well, it was me. I jammed a spatula in the bottom after you spilled grape soda on my new curtains in ’89.”
Bert gasps. “You monster!”
Edna giggles. “And remember that time the remote kept changing the channel to the Hallmark channel, no matter what button you pressed?”
Bert blinks. “You said it was haunted!”
Edna smirks. “Nope. I glued a penny inside the battery compartment to short-circuit it. You never missed a single Christmas romance movie for five straight years.”
Bert’s mouth drops open. “Why would you do that?!”
Edna sips her tea, serene. “Because payback, dear, is best served with mistletoe and slow-motion snowball fights.”
After a long pause, Bert leans back in the swing and says, “You know what, Edna? I’ve got a confession too.”
“Oh?” she says.
“You remember my ‘fishing trips’ every Saturday for ten years?”
Edna eyes him. “You don’t fish.”
“I know,” Bert says proudly. “I was at the bowling alley. I won four trophies. They’re hidden behind the water heater in the basement.”
Edna stares at him in disbelief. “You mean I accidentally dropped a decoy trophy out the car window?!”
They both burst into laughter.
And from that day forward, Bert went skydiving, Edna bought a new recliner, and every Saturday they now go bowling together — mostly to keep an eye on each other.
An 85-year-old couple, married for almost 60 years
An 85-year-old couple, married for almost 60 years, tragically passed away in a car a.c.cident and arrived at the Pearly Gates.
Thanks to the wife’s obsession with healthy diets and exercise, they had been in great shape for the last decade.
St. Peter greeted them warmly and led them to their heavenly mansion—complete with a huge bedroom, Jacuzzi, gourmet kitchen, and even a billiards table.
“Wow! How much does this cost?” the husband asked.
“Nothing,” St. Peter replied. “This is Heaven—everything is free!”
Next, he showed them a championship golf course just minutes from their home, where they could play anytime, have an angel as a caddy, and enjoy a course that changed daily to mimic the world’s most elite greens.
“Incredible!” the wife said. “And the green fees?”
“Free,” St. Peter chuckled. “This is Heaven.”
Then, they toured a five-star restaurant featuring an all-you-can-eat feast—Wagyu beef, lobster, prime rib, exotic vegetables, and desserts straight from a dream.
The husband, still skeptical, asked, “Okay… but how much?”
“Sir, for the last time… FREE. This is Heaven!”
The husband hesitated. “Well… do you have any low-fat, low-cholesterol options?”
St. Peter laughed. “In Heaven, you’ll never gain weight or get sick. Eat whatever you want!”
Suddenly, the husband turned red, clenched his fists, and started shouting at the sky.
“What’s wrong??” his wife asked, confused.
He pointed at her and yelled, “THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT! If it weren’t for your damn bran muffins and paleo chicken, WE COULD HAVE BEEN HERE TEN YEARS AGO!!!
LOL!!
Hope this joke will make you smile! Have a nice day!!
