A kind-hearted motorist saw a man struggling to change a tire alongside the highway, and pulled over to see whether he could help.
The man had a very red face, and a dark smear across it where he’d wiped off sweat with dirty hands. His tie was undone and his shirt collar askew, and it was clear he had also wiped his hands on his once-white shirt.
Close to him stood an immaculately neat woman who was speaking in quick, agitated tones.
“Hello, there,” said the motorist. “Say, I’ve changed a lot of tires….. maybe I can help here.”
“You sure can,” the man with the flat tire replied wearily. “My wife is an expert, too. If you will just do all the arguing with her about how this tire ought to be changed, I will concentrate on the dirty work and get the job done.”
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There were four University sophomores taking chemistry and all of them had an A so far.
These four friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to visit some friends and have a big party. They had a great time but, after all the hearty partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn’t make it back to school until early Monday morning.
Rather than taking the final then, they decided that after the final they would explain to their professor why they missed it. They said that they visited friends but on the way back they had a flat tire. As a result, they missed the final. The professor agreed they could make up the final the next day. The guys were excited and relieved. They studied that night for the exam.
The next day the Professor placed them in separate rooms and gave them each the 100 point exam. They quickly answered the first problem worth 5 points. Cool, they thought! Each one in separate rooms, thought this was going to be easy. Then they turned the page. On the second page was written…
For 95 points: Which tire? ____
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Allan retired in his early 50’s and started a second career.
However, even though he loved his new job, he just couldn’t seem to get to work on time. Every day, he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late.
But he was a good worker and really sharp, so his boss was in a quandary about how to deal with it. Finally, one day, his boss called him into the office for a talk.
“Allan, I must tell you, I truly like your work ethic, you do a bang-up job, but being late for work nearly every day is quite annoying to me as well as your fellow workers.”
Allan replied, “Yes, sir, I know. I’m sorry, but I am working on it.”
“That’s what I like to hear,” his boss said. “However, the fact that you consistently come to work late does puzzle me, because I understand that you retired from the United States Air Force, and they have some pretty rigid rules about tardiness. Isn’t that correct?”
“Yes. I did retire from the Air Force, and I’m mighty proud of it!” said Allan.
“Well, what did they say when you came in late?” asked his boss.
“They said, ‘Good morning, General’.”
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A wise old gentleman retired and purchased a modest home near a junior high school.
He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and contentment. Then a new school year began.
The very next afternoon three young boys full of youthful after-school enthusiasm came down his street beating merrily on every trashcan they encountered. The crashing percussion continued day after day, until finally the wise old man decided it was time to take some action.
The next afternoon, he walked out to meet the young percussionists as they banged their way down the street. Stopping them, he said, “You kids are a lot of fun. I like to see you express your exuberance like that. I used to do the same thing when I was your age. Will you do me a favor? I`ll give you each a dollar if you`ll promise to come around every day and do your thing.”
The kids were elated and continued to do a bang-up job on the trash cans. A few days later, the wily retiree approached them again as they drummed their way down the street. “Look” he said, “I haven`t received my Social Security check yet, so I`m not going to be able to give you more than 25 cents. Will that be okay?”
“A lousy quarter?” the drum leader exclaimed. “If you think we`re going to waste our time beating these cans around for a quarter, you`re nuts! No way, mister. We quit!”
And the old man enjoyed peace and serenity for the rest of his days.
