Dictionary for women
Argument: A discussion that occurs when you’re right, but he just hasn’t realised it yet.
Bar-be-que: You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat and cleaned everything up, but he made the dinner.
Clothes Dryer: An appliance designed to eat socks.
Diet Soda: A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half pound bag of peanut M&Ms.
Eternity: The last two minutes of a football game.
Exercise: To walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase.
Grocery List: What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store.
Hair Dresser: Someone who is able to create a style you will never be able to duplicate again. See “Magician”.
Hardware Store: Similar to a black hole in space — if he goes in, he isn’t coming out anytime soon.
Patience: The most important ingredient for dating, marriage and children. See also “tranquilliser”.
Valentine’s Day: A day when you have dreams of a candlelight dinner and diamonds, but consider yourself lucky to get a card.
A women is cooking eggs in the kitchen when her husband comes running in…
Immediately, he sees the eggs and gasps in horror. “Be careful! CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh, my GOSH!”
The wife, startled at her husband’s reaction, dashes to the fridge to get some butter.
“You’re cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW!”
The wife, concerned by the status of her husband’s mental state, forgets about the butter and goes running to the eggs.
“WE NEED BUTTER! Are you CRAZY???
Where are we going to get the butter? They’re going to stick! HURRY!”
The wife runs to the fri-
“CAREFUL about the eggs! CAREFUL. You NEVER listen to me when you’re cooking! Never! Turn them quickly! Oh not that quickly, don’t you know how to cook? Are you insane? Turn the DAMN EGGS!”
At this point, the wife starts crying, since she has no idea what to do.
She gasps “What is WRONG with you? I know how to cook eggs.”
The husband simply smiles, remarks “I just wanted to show you what it feels like while I’m driving with you in the car”, and leaves.
