It was Christmas and the postmaster needed an extra set of hands to sort the mail.
He’d been warned that Gerber was something of a dullard, but the postmaster decided to hire him anyway.
On Gerber’s first day of sorting the mail, much to everyone’s surprise, he separated the letters so fast that his motions were literally a blur.
At the end of the day, the postmaster said to Gerber, “I want you to know how proud I am of you. You’re one of the fastest workers we’ve ever had.”
“Thank you, sir,” Gerber replied, “and tomorrow I’ll try to do even better.”
“Better?” the postmaster said in astonishment. “How can you do any better?”
Gerber explained, “Tomorrow I’m going to read the addresses.”
A woman is being hounded by her family to put up Christmas decorations, so she heads to the local store in search of Christmas lights.
Upon arrival, the store assistant shows the woman the top brand of Christmas lights.
“These are our top selling Christmas lights this year,” he tells her.
“That’s great, but I need to make sure every light bulb works before I make a purchase,” she demands. “Please plug them in so I can see.”
The store assistant opens the box, untangles the lights and plugs them in. To the customer’s delight, every colourful bulb lights up.
The man behind the counter unplugs the lights and carefully places them back in the box. He then goes to scan the item before the lady starts kicking off.
“And what do you think you’re doing?” she says. “I don’t want this box. I want one that hasn’t been opened.”
One day Dan asks Bob, “So Bob what did you get for Christmas?”
Then Bob says to Dan, “Oh see that brand new red Ferrari outside?”
Dan says, “OOOOH WOW!
Bob says, “Ya, I got the same exact color tie!”
Nothing would please me more!
Husband: “Soon we will be married for 10 years. I will get you a nice new car for our anniversary.”
Wife: “Oh darling. Nothing would please me more!”
And so the husband got her nothing for the anniversary.
