Little Ben came into the house with a new harmonica.
“Grandpa, do you mind if I play this in here?”
“Of course not, Ben. I love music. In fact, when your grandma and I were young, music saved my life.”
“What happened?”
“Well, it was during the famous Johnstown flood. The dam broke and when the water hit out house it knocked it right off the foundation. Grandma got on the dining room table and floated out safely.”
“How about you?”
“Me? I accompanied her on the piano!”
Have you ever wondered what the difference between Grandmothers and Grandfathers is?
Well here is the answer:
A friend, who worked away from home all week, always made a special effort with his family on the weekends.
Every Sunday morning he would take his 7—year old granddaughter out for a drive in the car for some bonding time, just him and his granddaughter.
One particular Sunday however, he had a bad cold and really didn’t feel like being up at all. Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and said that she would take their granddaughter out.
When they returned, the little girl anxiously ran upstairs to see her Grandfather.
“Well, did you enjoy your ride with grandma?”
“Oh yes, Papa” the girl replied, “and do you know what? We didn’t see a single a——hole, stupid basta——, or dumb sh—— anywhere we went today!”
Grandpa and grandma were watching the television evangelical show
and the preacher said, if the viewers at home wanted to be healed, place one hand on the television set and the other hand on the body part where they wanted to be healed.
Grandma got up and slowly hobbled to the television set, placed her right hand on the set and her left hand on her arthritic shoulder that was causing her to have great pain.
Then Grandpa got up, went to the TV, placed his right hand on the set and his left hand on his crotch.
Grandma scowled at him and said, “I guess you just don’t get it. The purpose of doing this is to heal the sick, not to raise the dead.”
