Stacey makes a new friend at school and invites her home for the first time.
Stacey excuses herself to fetch her Mom and introduce her new friend. As her friend is standing in the living room next to the fireplace, she picks up the attractive vase on the mantle.
When Stacey returns with her mother, her friend is staring curiously into the vase.
“Oh, those are my father’s ashes,” Stacey informs her new friend.
However, this startles her so that she drops the vase with a <gasp!>- ashes and broken vase scattering all around. After turning three shades of red she stammers out, “Oh, no… I’m, oh! I, can’t… didn’t mean to..”
“It’s OK dear,” the mother says. “The vase was just from Wal-Mart.”
The new friend catches her breath enough to say, “But … but your husband’s ashes…”
“Well,” the mother says, “looks like he’ll just have to get himself up and get the ashtray from the kitchen from now on!”
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Three friends were backpacking through europe and found out about a magical mountain near the coast, so they decided to check it out.
When they finally reached the top of the mountain they saw a man jump straight off the edge and screamed that he wanted to be an eagle then poof he turned into an eagle and flew away.
After seeing that the three friends got really excited and decided to go for it.
The first thought for a second and then dashed straight off and yelled “I want to be a hawk” then poof he turned into a hawk and flew away.
The second friend thought for a second and finally decided and jumped off and yelled “I want to be a a mountain goat” then poof he turned into a mountain goat and ran away.
The third friend thought about for a long while and then finally decided, he ran as fast as he could ready to jump but then slipped on loose rocks and fell off the yelling “ohh crrraaappp” SPLAT!
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A husband and wife are having a friendly debate one night, centered on the topic of who has better friends.
They each offer a wide variety of anecdotes and stories, but in the end, they decide to put it to the test.
“Here’s what we’ll do,” the wife suggests. “I’ll call your friends, and you call mine. We’ll both pretend that the other person hasn’t come home yet, and that we’re worried. Whoever’s friends give the best advice about where to find us clearly know us better, and therefore are better.”
The husband agrees to the game, and they both head off into separate rooms. When they reconvene a half an hour later, the husband looks defeated.
“Well, honey,” he says, “I think it’s pretty clear that you have better friends. Every one of them listed each of your favorite restaurants, salons, shops, and art galleries, and they had phone numbers for each of them. They knew your work hours by heart, your office extension, your boss’s name, and even the route that you take home.”
The wife shakes her head. “No, dear,” she replies, “you have better friends.”
“Why do you say that?” asks the husband.
“Well,” the wife replies, “most of them said that you’d been at their place, and three of them said that you were still there.”
