Two newfies, George and Frank, are getting tired of Newfoundland and start to think about moving out West for a better life.
George is all for it but Frank is a little skeptical.
George says, “Frank bye, the work is plentiful, lotsa tings ta do and it’ll be a good change fer us.
“Frank replies, “I know Garge but what about the Atlantic?” Won’t you miss the fishin, and smell of the salt water in the mornin’?
“George agrees, but offers an Idea, “Well Frank, why don’t you take your fishin’ dory witch a and whenever ya starts to miss da rock ya can hop in your dory and fantasize about St. Johns.”
Well that’s all it took to convince Frank, and they strap the dory to the roof of the truck and off they go. Well it’s been 4 days driving and Frank is really missing Newfoundland, so George stops the truck in the middle of the prairies and says, “Look out at dose flat wheat fields Frank, doesn’t dat remind you of the ocean, the way the wind is blowin’ through the grain?”
Frank replies, “Lard tunderin Jasus Garge yer right!” They unhook the dory and haul it out to the middle of the field, sit back, relax and start rowing. Well it just happens that, at the same time another Newfie is on his way back from Alberta and spots the plates on their truck and then notices the two of them out on the field rowing away.
Well the new arrival gets so angry he stops his truck, hops out and begins to scream at them.
“No wonder the whole country tinks we’re stupid, look at you two fools out there rowin ‘Jasus, if I could swim I’d come out there and kick yer arses!!!!!”
Two men, one American and an East Indian were sitting in a bar drinking shot after shot.
The Indian man said to the American, ‘You know my parents are forcing me to get married to this so called homely girl from a village whom I haven’t even met once.’ We call this arranged marriage. I don’t want to marry a woman whom I don’t love… I told them that openly and now have a hell lot of family problems.’
The American said, talking about love marriages… I’ll tell you my story.
I married a widow whom I deeply loved and dated for 3 years. ‘After a couple of years, my father fell in love with my step-daughter and married her, so my father became my son-in-law and I became my father’s father-in-law.
Legally now my daughter is my mother and my wife my grandmother.
More problems occurred when I had a son. My son is my father’s brother and so he is my uncle.
Situations turned worse when my father had a son. Now my father’s son, my brother is my grandson. Ultimately, I have become my own grand father and I am my own grandson.
And you think you have family problems…
A lady had a height problem, she was TOO tall, being excatly 2 meters tall.
She hated the way she had to duck to walk through a doorway, the way she felt so uncomfortable in a car. So she visited an expert.
The expert said, “Go visit the Dwarven Town. It’s full of dwarfs. Find any dwarf, and ask him if he’ll marry you. Every time a dwarf says ‘no,’ you grow 10 cm shorter!”
The lady did as she was told. She went to the Dwarven Town, and found a dwarf, and asked if he would marry her. He refused. She found herself 10 cm shorter.
She quickly repeated this act another time on another dwarf. Now 180 cm tall, she decided to ask one more dwarf then go home.
She boldly walked up to a dwarf and asked if he would marry her.
The dwarf replied,: “No, no, no, no, no…! I don’t want to marry a tall person like you! You’re too tall! No, no, no, no, no!”
